I haven't posted in awhile. There are two reasons for this. This first one is that nobody reads my blog. The second reason is that I forgot I had a blog.
However, while reading my previous post I remembered that I am supposed to be doling out life lessons here. Now, there will be a lot more of these you can read in my book that should be finished sometime within the next six months, God willing. And I've gotten pretty far this time with the help of complete assholes and the motivation of my friends.
So, anyway, enough of that. Here is what you all haven't been waiting for, more life lessons from K-Peezy.
1. My intuition is always right (I don't know if yours is, so just go with mine for now.) Seriously, I can honestly say that I can read a situation down to the smallest details in most cases. By looking at a person I can tell what kind of person they are, and I'm not talking about stereotypes. It takes about five minutes of observation to develop a basic understanding of a person and about two hours to develop my opinion of them. First impressions with me are everything.
I will not go into specifics for fear of hurting certain peoples' feelings, but I learned this by recently attending a party. To be fair, I learned about this person ahead of time through some gossip from a couple different people. I had already formulated an opinion, but I was open to giving her a chance. One look told me she was an attention, and regular kind, of whore, and I predicted her exact actions for the rest of the night. That's skill.
So the life lesson here is trust your intuition, or at least trust mine.
2. My intuition is not always right, though it usually is. I have had enough life experience and interpersonal relationships in my day to understand the basic types, actions, and emotions of human beings. However, there are some types of humans (i.e. good, moral people) that I have not spent a lot of time with and don't understand. This was revealed to me today. The lesson being that there are some things you might like to be wrong about.
3. Don't rush into relationships, and don't try. There's no reason to go to a bar to pick up guys or to try to plot ways to get guys to like you. It will only result in failure. Treat the opposite sex as you would the same sex, and maybe some day you might meet someone who is genuine and a good person. You probably won't, but you can try.
4. Conspiracy theories are awesome. There, I said it. I love conspiracy theories.
5. DRUNK DIALING AND TEXTING IS VERY BAD. IT WILL MAKE YOU LOSE FRIENDS AND LOSE ALL HOPE YOU HAVE WITH ANY GUY. IT IS NORMAL FOR A GUY TO THINK YOU WANT A BOOTY CALL IF YOU TEXT HIM AT THREE AM. I don't care if you just want a ride or a place to crash or someone to talk to, DON'T DRUNK DIAL OR TEXT. If necessary, drunk dial or text your FRIENDS who are FEMALE (or male for males, or female for gay males, or males for gay females, and if you're bi, you're fucked.) Seriously guys. Drunk dialers are not desireable people. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON YOU WILL EVER LEARN, EVER!!!!!!
I hope you have learned well.
Until next time,
K
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Things that Bother Me
Here is a draft I found while editing my entries. It's pretty great.
Hey everyone, time to vent! Here are some things that have been getting on my nerves lately:
People in general.
I'm serious, everyone has gone crazy. Is there anyone who isn't either psycho, a douche bag, or a complete dick these days? Anyone?
Here are my suggestions on how to keep yourself from coming off like a total tool:
1. Stop talking about yourself. When someone says something to you, don't act like you're trying to relate by telling a bigger and more outrageous story. It makes you look like a fag. Stop trying to over compensate for your own insecurities by one-upping every story. And here's a hint, guy, or girl, no one cares about you. People care about themselves. The only reason people care about you is because of the things you do for them. Go ahead and share your stories, but don't overload us with facts about your life. People don't like it and nothing you do or say is more important than anything anyone else does or says. So stop talking about yourself.
2. Stop interrupting. Maybe we'll answer your question if you just let us get to it, asshole. People aren't going to like you very much if they can't even finish a thought around you. What better way of saying, "Nothing you say matters," than preventing the words from happening?
3. Stop being a whore. If one more girl turns a perfectly good guy into a dick because of her selfish actions, I'm going to punch someone in the throat. STOP IT.
4. Learn English. I'm tired of these blatant errors in basic grammar. For more information, see a book. Any book.
Thank you for making the world a better place by doing these things,
K
Hey everyone, time to vent! Here are some things that have been getting on my nerves lately:
People in general.
I'm serious, everyone has gone crazy. Is there anyone who isn't either psycho, a douche bag, or a complete dick these days? Anyone?
Here are my suggestions on how to keep yourself from coming off like a total tool:
1. Stop talking about yourself. When someone says something to you, don't act like you're trying to relate by telling a bigger and more outrageous story. It makes you look like a fag. Stop trying to over compensate for your own insecurities by one-upping every story. And here's a hint, guy, or girl, no one cares about you. People care about themselves. The only reason people care about you is because of the things you do for them. Go ahead and share your stories, but don't overload us with facts about your life. People don't like it and nothing you do or say is more important than anything anyone else does or says. So stop talking about yourself.
2. Stop interrupting. Maybe we'll answer your question if you just let us get to it, asshole. People aren't going to like you very much if they can't even finish a thought around you. What better way of saying, "Nothing you say matters," than preventing the words from happening?
3. Stop being a whore. If one more girl turns a perfectly good guy into a dick because of her selfish actions, I'm going to punch someone in the throat. STOP IT.
4. Learn English. I'm tired of these blatant errors in basic grammar. For more information, see a book. Any book.
Thank you for making the world a better place by doing these things,
K
Friday, October 30, 2009
Life Lessons 10/30/09
I am going to periodically post life lessons from now on. I feel it is important to remind myself of all of the things not to do, or to do, or whatever. And, also, sharing my wisdom is important. I'm always learning, hurray!
1. First of all, being responsible is hard. It requires you to do lame things instead of fun things. But sometimes when you do fun things, the lame things become even lamer. I do not want to drive 20 minutes to go to the doctor, but I sure as hell don't want to do it tired and hungover. I don't want to do my homework, but if I'm tired and hungover it won't get finished. I don't want to go to class, but if I'm tired and hungover the projector screen will give me the worst headache of my adult life. So, what I'm saying is, don't get hungover.
2. You know how you know if I hate you? You have a penis. This is true, I don't mind generalizing. Sometimes guys think it's ok to call you in the middle of the night because they think you will sleep with them EVEN AFTER you have sent all the signals possible suggesting otherwise. Thus, you have to turn off your phone at night, even if you don't want to miss a call in the morning. Lesson here: Boys are lame. Also, boys will always think they're leading you on, even if you are the one doing the manipulating. They will always think you care more than you actually do. Here's a life lesson for all the boys out there: I don't fucking care about you. You won't hurt my feelings if you don't call me or answer my calls, I don't care if you have a girlfriend, I don't care if I don't hang out with you for days or weeks or months, I don't spend my time thinking about you, I don't cry if you say mean things. Tell me the fucking truth, stop trying to lead me on when it's not working in the first place since I DON'T CARE.
3. If boys are lame, girls are psycho. I'm not trying to have sex with your boyfriend because I say, "Hey, what's up?" Also, since when are girls blamed for everything guys have an equal part in? Seriously, stop being so sexist, GIRLS. I think they are more sexist than men sometimes. If I don't care about your boyfriend, I certainly don't care about you. I don't care what you think of me, I don't care what you say to me, I don't care if you are dating whoever, I don't care if you exist or do not exist. Nothing you say to me will piss me off because I DON'T CARE. I have enough things to worry about in my life to try to cat fight, so ladies (actually, not ladies, girls): Chill the fuck out.
4. Different friends handle situations in different ways. This is why we have multiple friends. Some friends may surprise you with how much they care. Some friends may surprise you by seemingly not caring. If you are going through a rough spot, it's important to think about what you want to get out of venting to someone, and who to vent to. On a serious note, all of my friends have been really great lately, and I couldn't ask for better ones.
5. Beer and fast food cost money and make you fat. I know everyone always says this, but I guess I have finally found out it is true. I must make my decision as to which vice to give up. I'm choosing fast food.
Thank you,
Kalin Rheanne
1. First of all, being responsible is hard. It requires you to do lame things instead of fun things. But sometimes when you do fun things, the lame things become even lamer. I do not want to drive 20 minutes to go to the doctor, but I sure as hell don't want to do it tired and hungover. I don't want to do my homework, but if I'm tired and hungover it won't get finished. I don't want to go to class, but if I'm tired and hungover the projector screen will give me the worst headache of my adult life. So, what I'm saying is, don't get hungover.
2. You know how you know if I hate you? You have a penis. This is true, I don't mind generalizing. Sometimes guys think it's ok to call you in the middle of the night because they think you will sleep with them EVEN AFTER you have sent all the signals possible suggesting otherwise. Thus, you have to turn off your phone at night, even if you don't want to miss a call in the morning. Lesson here: Boys are lame. Also, boys will always think they're leading you on, even if you are the one doing the manipulating. They will always think you care more than you actually do. Here's a life lesson for all the boys out there: I don't fucking care about you. You won't hurt my feelings if you don't call me or answer my calls, I don't care if you have a girlfriend, I don't care if I don't hang out with you for days or weeks or months, I don't spend my time thinking about you, I don't cry if you say mean things. Tell me the fucking truth, stop trying to lead me on when it's not working in the first place since I DON'T CARE.
3. If boys are lame, girls are psycho. I'm not trying to have sex with your boyfriend because I say, "Hey, what's up?" Also, since when are girls blamed for everything guys have an equal part in? Seriously, stop being so sexist, GIRLS. I think they are more sexist than men sometimes. If I don't care about your boyfriend, I certainly don't care about you. I don't care what you think of me, I don't care what you say to me, I don't care if you are dating whoever, I don't care if you exist or do not exist. Nothing you say to me will piss me off because I DON'T CARE. I have enough things to worry about in my life to try to cat fight, so ladies (actually, not ladies, girls): Chill the fuck out.
4. Different friends handle situations in different ways. This is why we have multiple friends. Some friends may surprise you with how much they care. Some friends may surprise you by seemingly not caring. If you are going through a rough spot, it's important to think about what you want to get out of venting to someone, and who to vent to. On a serious note, all of my friends have been really great lately, and I couldn't ask for better ones.
5. Beer and fast food cost money and make you fat. I know everyone always says this, but I guess I have finally found out it is true. I must make my decision as to which vice to give up. I'm choosing fast food.
Thank you,
Kalin Rheanne
Life Lessons from 10/29/09
Here is a draft I found when editing my posts.
So, I decided it'd be super great to write down all of the life lessons I learn, since I am always learning new things! Here's what I learned today!:
1. No matter how great it sounds, staying up until 5AM will make you tired the next day, always. Drinking wine will make you have a hangover. If you stay up until 5AM drinking wine, you will have a hangover.
2. If you are super tired and hungover, it's ok to not wear a bra. This is a new socially acceptable rule, I read about it in my head. I know because I said so, and I'm always right. Yes, I said it. On the internet. Deal.
3. Nurses are judgmental. Doctors aren't.
4. Sleeping in a king sized bed is always more comfortable than sleeping in a full size. The bigger, the better when it comes to beds. EVEN if the pillows and blankets are uncomfortable.
5. If you put off your homework until the last minute, and it's something you don't know how to do, you won't get it done. When you e-mail the professor the homework you did do, don't sign it with your corporate ID and work extension.
Hope this helps you be a better person,
K
So, I decided it'd be super great to write down all of the life lessons I learn, since I am always learning new things! Here's what I learned today!:
1. No matter how great it sounds, staying up until 5AM will make you tired the next day, always. Drinking wine will make you have a hangover. If you stay up until 5AM drinking wine, you will have a hangover.
2. If you are super tired and hungover, it's ok to not wear a bra. This is a new socially acceptable rule, I read about it in my head. I know because I said so, and I'm always right. Yes, I said it. On the internet. Deal.
3. Nurses are judgmental. Doctors aren't.
4. Sleeping in a king sized bed is always more comfortable than sleeping in a full size. The bigger, the better when it comes to beds. EVEN if the pillows and blankets are uncomfortable.
5. If you put off your homework until the last minute, and it's something you don't know how to do, you won't get it done. When you e-mail the professor the homework you did do, don't sign it with your corporate ID and work extension.
Hope this helps you be a better person,
K
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