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First of all, I just wanted to say that I accidentally followed my own blog. So fuck you.
Anyway, I thought I would take an interesting twist on things and complain for once! Oh, wait...
So, anyway, here are some things that have been pissing me off lately:
1. Food
I fucking hate food. I hate it because I love it. What the fuck, dude? Who decided to make food taste good? I loathe all chefs and recipe makers. How dare you give me the desire to eat? Now I'm turning into a cow. Thanks, assholes.
Whoever the asshole is that
invented the deliciousness
that is Taco Bell, fuck you.
2. Easy classes
Yes, I would like the GPA boost. But I don't need it. I seriously don't need to take a class that has a required text which defines the words "goods," "services," and "ideas." I'm sorry, but if you're this stupid you shouldn't be in college. And I shouldn't be forced to waste my time on easy classes because stupid people need a major and classes tailored to them. If that offends you, then maybe you should stop being so stupid. Also, if you're one of those people who need to take easy classes to raise your GPA, then start studying in your real classes. Seriously, people shouldn't be allowed to raise their GPA this way. It's like cheating. I raise my GPA by being a fucking genius.
This textbook insults my intelligence.
3. Unnecessary apostrophes
This is not the first time I've vented about grammar in my blog. However, if I'm talking about things that piss me off, it is bound to surface. YOU DO NOT NEED TO PUT AN APOSTROPHE AFTER ABBREVIATIONS OR BEFORE ANY "S" ON A PLURAL WORD!!! APOSTROPHES ARE FOR CONTRACTIONS WITH IS AND TO SHOW POSSESSION!!! For example, saying, "I have a lot of DVD's," will make me respect you 25% less automatically.
Learn English.
4. Health freaks
I get it that you're so insecure about your lack of interesting and desirable personality traits that you have to advertise that you are the epitome of perfect health and you have the body of a god. Please save it, because I don't give a shit. I don't care how often you work out or what kind of dietary supplements you are taking.
5. Not being able to perform magic
In the words of genius DaxFlame (http://www.youtube.com/user/Daxflame), "Magic doesn't exist? Oh really? Then explain magic tricks you nimwit." So, clearly magic exists. WHY CAN I NOT PERFORM MAGIC TRICKS? Seriously, how else am I supposed to keep my things clean or stay awake during the day or keep myself in shape? There's no doubt that this needs to be investigated and we need to implement magic tricks ASAP. That, or I need someone to tell me where I can get a magical fairy that will clean up all my shit for me and do whatever I tell it to.
Be my slave, bitch.
...To be continued, I'm sure.
K
I haven't posted in awhile. There are two reasons for this. This first one is that nobody reads my blog. The second reason is that I forgot I had a blog.
However, while reading my previous post I remembered that I am supposed to be doling out life lessons here. Now, there will be a lot more of these you can read in my book that should be finished sometime within the next six months, God willing. And I've gotten pretty far this time with the help of complete assholes and the motivation of my friends.
So, anyway, enough of that. Here is what you all haven't been waiting for, more life lessons from K-Peezy.
1. My intuition is always right (I don't know if yours is, so just go with mine for now.) Seriously, I can honestly say that I can read a situation down to the smallest details in most cases. By looking at a person I can tell what kind of person they are, and I'm not talking about stereotypes. It takes about five minutes of observation to develop a basic understanding of a person and about two hours to develop my opinion of them. First impressions with me are everything.
I will not go into specifics for fear of hurting certain peoples' feelings, but I learned this by recently attending a party. To be fair, I learned about this person ahead of time through some gossip from a couple different people. I had already formulated an opinion, but I was open to giving her a chance. One look told me she was an attention, and regular kind, of whore, and I predicted her exact actions for the rest of the night. That's skill.
So the life lesson here is trust your intuition, or at least trust mine.
2. My intuition is not always right, though it usually is. I have had enough life experience and interpersonal relationships in my day to understand the basic types, actions, and emotions of human beings. However, there are some types of humans (i.e. good, moral people) that I have not spent a lot of time with and don't understand. This was revealed to me today. The lesson being that there are some things you might like to be wrong about.
3. Don't rush into relationships, and don't try. There's no reason to go to a bar to pick up guys or to try to plot ways to get guys to like you. It will only result in failure. Treat the opposite sex as you would the same sex, and maybe some day you might meet someone who is genuine and a good person. You probably won't, but you can try.
4. Conspiracy theories are awesome. There, I said it. I love conspiracy theories.
5. DRUNK DIALING AND TEXTING IS VERY BAD. IT WILL MAKE YOU LOSE FRIENDS AND LOSE ALL HOPE YOU HAVE WITH ANY GUY. IT IS NORMAL FOR A GUY TO THINK YOU WANT A BOOTY CALL IF YOU TEXT HIM AT THREE AM. I don't care if you just want a ride or a place to crash or someone to talk to, DON'T DRUNK DIAL OR TEXT. If necessary, drunk dial or text your FRIENDS who are FEMALE (or male for males, or female for gay males, or males for gay females, and if you're bi, you're fucked.) Seriously guys. Drunk dialers are not desireable people. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON YOU WILL EVER LEARN, EVER!!!!!!
I hope you have learned well.
Until next time,
K
Here is a draft I found while editing my entries. It's pretty great.
Hey everyone, time to vent! Here are some things that have been getting on my nerves lately:
People in general.
I'm serious, everyone has gone crazy. Is there anyone who isn't either psycho, a douche bag, or a complete dick these days? Anyone?
Here are my suggestions on how to keep yourself from coming off like a total tool:
1. Stop talking about yourself. When someone says something to you, don't act like you're trying to relate by telling a bigger and more outrageous story. It makes you look like a fag. Stop trying to over compensate for your own insecurities by one-upping every story. And here's a hint, guy, or girl, no one cares about you. People care about themselves. The only reason people care about you is because of the things you do for them. Go ahead and share your stories, but don't overload us with facts about your life. People don't like it and nothing you do or say is more important than anything anyone else does or says. So stop talking about yourself.
2. Stop interrupting. Maybe we'll answer your question if you just let us get to it, asshole. People aren't going to like you very much if they can't even finish a thought around you. What better way of saying, "Nothing you say matters," than preventing the words from happening?
3. Stop being a whore. If one more girl turns a perfectly good guy into a dick because of her selfish actions, I'm going to punch someone in the throat. STOP IT.
4. Learn English. I'm tired of these blatant errors in basic grammar. For more information, see a book. Any book.
Thank you for making the world a better place by doing these things,
K
I am going to periodically post life lessons from now on. I feel it is important to remind myself of all of the things not to do, or to do, or whatever. And, also, sharing my wisdom is important. I'm always learning, hurray!1. First of all, being responsible is hard. It requires you to do lame things instead of fun things. But sometimes when you do fun things, the lame things become even lamer. I do not want to drive 20 minutes to go to the doctor, but I sure as hell don't want to do it tired and hungover. I don't want to do my homework, but if I'm tired and hungover it won't get finished. I don't want to go to class, but if I'm tired and hungover the projector screen will give me the worst headache of my adult life. So, what I'm saying is, don't get hungover.
2. You know how you know if I hate you? You have a penis. This is true, I don't mind generalizing. Sometimes guys think it's ok to call you in the middle of the night because they think you will sleep with them EVEN AFTER you have sent all the signals possible suggesting otherwise. Thus, you have to turn off your phone at night, even if you don't want to miss a call in the morning. Lesson here: Boys are lame. Also, boys will always think they're leading you on, even if you are the one doing the manipulating. They will always think you care more than you actually do. Here's a life lesson for all the boys out there: I don't fucking care about you. You won't hurt my feelings if you don't call me or answer my calls, I don't care if you have a girlfriend, I don't care if I don't hang out with you for days or weeks or months, I don't spend my time thinking about you, I don't cry if you say mean things. Tell me the fucking truth, stop trying to lead me on when it's not working in the first place since I DON'T CARE.
3. If boys are lame, girls are psycho. I'm not trying to have sex with your boyfriend because I say, "Hey, what's up?" Also, since when are girls blamed for everything guys have an equal part in? Seriously, stop being so sexist, GIRLS. I think they are more sexist than men sometimes. If I don't care about your boyfriend, I certainly don't care about you. I don't care what you think of me, I don't care what you say to me, I don't care if you are dating whoever, I don't care if you exist or do not exist. Nothing you say to me will piss me off because I DON'T CARE. I have enough things to worry about in my life to try to cat fight, so ladies (actually, not ladies, girls): Chill the fuck out.
4. Different friends handle situations in different ways. This is why we have multiple friends. Some friends may surprise you with how much they care. Some friends may surprise you by seemingly not caring. If you are going through a rough spot, it's important to think about what you want to get out of venting to someone, and who to vent to. On a serious note, all of my friends have been really great lately, and I couldn't ask for better ones.
5. Beer and fast food cost money and make you fat. I know everyone always says this, but I guess I have finally found out it is true. I must make my decision as to which vice to give up. I'm choosing fast food.
Thank you,
Kalin Rheanne
Here is a draft I found when editing my posts.
So, I decided it'd be super great to write down all of the life lessons I learn, since I am always learning new things! Here's what I learned today!:
1. No matter how great it sounds, staying up until 5AM will make you tired the next day, always. Drinking wine will make you have a hangover. If you stay up until 5AM drinking wine, you will have a hangover.
2. If you are super tired and hungover, it's ok to not wear a bra. This is a new socially acceptable rule, I read about it in my head. I know because I said so, and I'm always right. Yes, I said it. On the internet. Deal.
3. Nurses are judgmental. Doctors aren't.
4. Sleeping in a king sized bed is always more comfortable than sleeping in a full size. The bigger, the better when it comes to beds. EVEN if the pillows and blankets are uncomfortable.
5. If you put off your homework until the last minute, and it's something you don't know how to do, you won't get it done. When you e-mail the professor the homework you did do, don't sign it with your corporate ID and work extension.
Hope this helps you be a better person,
K
1. Adult Swim commercial for the Mighty Boosh says Sundays at 1:00 AM. According to the internet schedule, it was supposed to be 5:00 AM Sunday night. I could have totally caught it! UGH. (For those who don't know, I am OBSESSED with the British comedy show the Mighty Boosh. I have a $150 painting in my room I had imported from the UK of the duo. I have all 3 Series [i.e. seasons.] I bought a multi-region DVD player in order to be able to watch my DVDs on the tele. I know everything about the Mighty Boosh. Finding out it was coming to American television was pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I thought it wasn't on until 5:00 AM.)
2. My dad is at a show (you know, ones where good bands play) with other managers, VPs, and execs from the brokerage firm I work for. I have a weak spot for little emo boys.
Dad sends me a picture of some dude at a concert that I can't see. I go, "what's that?"
Dad: "An emo boy in Columbus."
Me:"Lol ok..."
Then later I get another text,
Dad: "I gave Zach your number." <------WTF MOMENT
Me: "Who's Zach?!"
Dad: "At the concert. He is an emo boy majoring in business at OSU. I told him about you. He wanted your number."
Me: "Do you know this Zach fellow? What band is playing?"
Dad: "Gaslite Anthem"
Me: "I hope he calls that'd be a great story."
Dad: "He said he would but didn't know what to say I said tell her Joe said to call cuz u r an emo boy." (I have generally corrected bad grammar and spelling thus far, but I feel the "u r" had a certain... feel to it that "you are" does not.) <------WTF MOMENT
Me: "Haha amazing."
Dad: "What?"
Me: "How did you start talking to said emo boy?"
Dad: "He talked to me 1st as an emo would." <------WTF MOMENT
Me: "How did said emo boy start talking to you?"
Dad: "I was minding my own business talking about how the lead singer in the Heartless Bastards was so good."
3. I update my status to report my confusion for WTF incident number two, and my cousin Lindsay tells me how funny it is via facebook IM. Then I get an instant message on AIM....
artsyguurrl12 (11:11:01 PM): Because I am creepy and because i can - i want to use another media through which to tell you that your fb status cracks me up. P.S. who are these guys your dad is picking up for you??
4. My cousin Zander and I both try to go to sleep [early] around 1 AM. At 3 AM we are both on the internet. We have a DOUBLE FAIL. During our conversation, this happens...
Sexy Zander 911 (3:46:29 AM): kalin, we do that sometimes...
kalin rheanne (3:46:35 AM): do not
Sexy Zander 911 (3:46:40 AM): do so
kalin rheanne (3:46:45 AM): nuh uh
Sexy Zander 911 (3:46:56 AM): yes, we really do...
kalin rheanne (3:47:00 AM): when
Sexy Zander 911 (3:47:13 AM): idk but we've obviously done it
kalin rheanne (3:47:21 AM): we have not
Sexy Zander 911 (3:47:26 AM): yes we have
kalin rheanne (3:47:31 AM): WHEN
Sexy Zander 911 (3:47:43 AM): IDFK BUT THINK ABOUT IT, WE'RE RETARDED, I'M SURE WE HAVE
kalin rheanne (3:47:53 AM): HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kalin rheanne (3:47:54 AM): LMFAO
Sexy Zander 911 (3:48:06 AM): MY POINT EXACTLY
5. This guy (http://profile.ak.facebook.com/profile6/1078/62/s1454795860_8748.jpg) friend requests me!!!
WTF.
Sometimes I wonder why people don't like Christians, and/or why Christianity is so unpopular these days. And then I come across groups like P4CM, and I find my answer: Christians these days can be really douchey.
P4CM stands for "Passion for the Christ Movement." This is basically a non-denominational Christion church group based in Los Angeles, California that has a large focus on trying to lead people to Christianity. This is not my problem. I am going to focus on a specific "missionary project" that P4CM is working on, because I feel it encompasses the complete douchey-ness of this organization.
P4CM has created a line of t-shirts that are designed to provoke questions. These t-shirts are called the Ex-Series. They say things like, "Ex-Slave," "Ex-Rebel,"Ex-Diva," "Ex-Hypocrite," "Ex-Fornicator," "Ex-Porn Addict," "Ex-Homosexual," and my personal favorite, "Ex-Masturbator." An example of this fashion line:
Feel free to laugh at the irony.So here is my reaction to this fashion line and P4CM in general. (If you don't understand where I'm coming from on some issues, visit their Facebook group: http://tinyurl.com/bqxsp8 and watch the videos.)
I like to picture Jesus Christ as a pretty easy going guy. I think that His attitude was along the lines of, "Here I am world, I'm going to die for your sins now. If you choose to accept it, feel free to ask for forgiveness and I'll let you into Heaven and it'll be killer." P4CM's take on Jesus' attitude, "DUDE. HELL SUCKS. You are pretty much a terrible person if you sin, and if you don't surrender to me IMMEDIATELY, you will be forced to an eternity in a firey pit. No Heaven for you, sorry bud!"
So, we are supposed to be Christ-like, as stated in the Bible. No, I am not going to give you the passage because I am not a walking Bible. Find it yourself, it's somewhere in there. So first of all, we're not going to go condemning people for their sins. We're not going to interview people, and act like we applaud them for being Christian, then denounce them for their associations (douchey interview.)
And now I come to the t-shirts. The stupid, douchey, horrible t-shirts. P4CM is, like many Christians today, turning Christianity into a fashion statement by doing this. FIRST OF ALL, they are begging for attention by wearing these shirts. Jesus Christ did some pretty baller things, but I'm pretty sure he never walked around in a "Moses is my homeboy" shirt or, of course, an "Ex-Masturbator shirt" (though the latter is debateable.) Jesus Christ did not flaunt, he did not argue, he did not scold, denounce, or make anyone feel like shit intentionally, and he most certainly did not walk around in BOLD (these douche bags always caps the word for some reason) clothing in order to try to bring people to the light. BE LIKE JESUS. BE HUMBLE. PLEASE.
As for some of the "sins" they denounce actually being sins, well that's another topic for another time. Visit the aforementioned facebook page for more insight to the absolute ridiculousness of this organization, or you can visit their (clearly well designed as to draw more people to Christianity) website, http://p4cm.com.
And this is just funny: http://tinyurl.com/daet3t.
Good day,
Kalin
Whoever the asshole is that
