Anniversary!!

Happy anniversary! I've been blogging for over a year now and here are the stats:

-Fourteen posts, many from the same days. This means I blogged less than once per month!
-Six followers. That's an average of one follower every two months. And one of them is me.
-~10 comments total, some from myself.

As you can see, this blog has really taken off.

Sooo... I'm moving to wordpress. I'm kind of getting serious about writing, and, well, clearly I'm great at it and need to tell more people what to do with their lives. I may still double post on here, but I would REALLY, really appreciate it if you guys would sign up at wordpress (you don't have to make a blog url, just a username) and follow my blog on there.

Thanks everyone who has been reading, I know that there's people out there who read my blog without following it because they don't have an account.

Best Pick -up Lines of the Century

From me:

"Do you think it's too late for me to be a Kidz Bop kid?"

"Alright I'll dance with you, but I have to warn you, I'm so good at dancing they call me the dancing queen."

"I'm dressed like a hipster tonight. Do you like my hipster outfit?"

"You're like a better, less annoying version of my ex boyfriend."

"Oh, I didn't know people like you have jobs. That's impressive."

"Why don't you just pee your pants?"

"You'll do."

"I know a lot of people with your name. It's weird and I don't like it."

"I haven't showered in two days."

"Can I call you Steve?"
(Reply: "My name's Brian.")
"I'm going to call you Steve."

"I will never, ever sleep with you. Now, how about that drink?"

From them:

"I think we could be in a relationship, I think I'm your type, I'll drive to see you and everything."
(Reply: "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!")

"Are you this cool or just a bitch?"

"Hey shithead, want to grab dinner some time?"

"What's the score on the game?"
(Reply: "SPORTS!!!!! ...Get away from me.")

"Do you get a lot of attention from black guys?"

"I would totally screw your brains out."
(Reply: "That's physically impossible. Unless you're literally talking about taking a large screw and drilling it into my head, in which case some cerebral fluid may leak out. But judging by your general demeanor you are using a euphemism for sex, which really isn't a euphemism because it sounds about 8x worse."

I'd Promise I'm not Creepy, but I am.

So I feel like I have a lot to cover, so let's get started. Yes, sticking with the lists again. I fucking love lists.

1. Whoever says alcohol is bad is fucking retarded. Alcohol tastes good. Alcohol makes you feel good. And some of the best, most sincere, deepest, most life-altering, most fun, greatest moments of my life have been under the influence of alcohol. Yeah, there's side effects. Like drunk dialing and hangovers and fiscal irresponsibility. But, really, I think it's all worth it. No, I'm not condoning getting drunk every night. But I am saying that drinking with your friends can induce great times. I have met some of my best friends out drinking.

For example, while all of the non-drinkers are telling their grand children about the crazy time they had playing board games one night and their best friend laughed so hard about fucking shit up with Monopoly that milk shot out of her nose, I'll be telling the story about how my friend was so drunk after fucking shit up with a boy that she ended up peeing in an alley being pulled over by the cops for walking home drunk.

Alcohol is a great social lubricant. Half of the contacts in my phone are from bar nights, and I still use most of them. Yes, most of the time when you meet a guy out drinking, he's a tool. But... other times...

ANYWAY.

2. Apparently I'm really great. I go out after not having showered in a good day or two, in my work clothes, without makeup and while wearing glasses... Pick up two guys at the bar? Really? One asks my friend, "Is she really this cool or just a bitch?" Some other guy tells me I'm the "smartest girl he knows." Another guy tries to take me home. Either gross and ugly is in, I'm super great, or guys are really just that desperate. (Granted, I am probably the smartest girl you'll ever meet. That's true. And I am pretty damn cool.)

I have never met someone who is so self loving and so self loathing as myself.

3. I am fucking emotional. There, I said it and I admit it. I'd rather care too much about other people and too much about every little fucking thing than be the equivalent of emotionally dumb and blind. So I welcome it when I feel sad, because that's how I know I'm real. How else do you feel alive than by experience extreme emotion? Happiness, sadness, anger, fear? That's why thirteen year old emo kids cut themselves. That's why people eat Mexican food.

4. There ARE good people in the world. There are BAD people in the world. Realizing the difference doesn't mean a thing: Treating everyone as if they were the best person you ever met is key.

5. Give more than you'll ever take. Unless the person is a douche bag, then shove them in front of you and let the zombies take their life.

6. Something involving Taco Bell.

7. Something involving grammar.

8. My cat is the best, ever. She has the most desirable traits any female (or person, at all) could. She's beautiful. She's curvaceous. She follows me around, meaning she respects me and realizes how awesome I am. She doesn't trust men, meaning she learns easily. She has only been on this earth a little over a year and a half and through watching my experiences already realizes they're bad news! She hates all people except me, and only loves me. That means she realizes that I'm the only great person left alive.


K


PS: If you don't get that I'm writing in a satirical and humorous manner, then you, sir, are an idiot.

I'm a GOOD PERSON?! FUCK.

Just to let you know, I am so excited to write this blog! I had to take a nap before I did it to make sure I wasn't sleepy. I've been thinking about how I was going to tackle this issue via internet literature, and I think I found the answer.

I have never been the epitome of innocence, the poster child for Christianity, the authority on morals. Furthermore, I had myself convinced that based on some previous actions I was a horrible person. I had myself all figured out. Kalin: Genius, hard working, creative, hilarious, beautiful, cynical, bitter, and a complete dick. Life is good once you have yourself figured out, you go through life with your head held up high, you're not going through these awful phases with the hopes of self discovery anymore. Ah, being a self righteous, awful person really had its perks.

Then yesterday I wake up at 3 PM after staying up until 5 AM drinking alone (got home from my friends' house at 2 AM.) Fairly normal. Roll out of bed, eat a shit ton of Skyline that my dad got for me, plop myself on the couch and start watching YouTube videos. Ahhh, I love being me. Then my phone rings, and I hear the MOST AWFUL STORY EVER. Literally. I'll tell you sometime, you'll want to vomit. Upon my enragement, I hung up the phone and realized something.

I am a good person.

I should have known all along. I should have known. I feel sick to my stomach that I just couldn't see it. I mean, I have this strange desire to only sleep with guys I have feelings for? I don't like taking advantage of people? I listen when other people speak? And this weird thing happens where I think about other peoples' feelings before I do things? That all screams, "good person." On top of that, there's these emotions that I get when other people are talking about things. Like, sometimes I feel happy when my friends tell me things that happened in their lives, having no impact on me. And sometimes I feel sad when bad things happen to other people. WHAT THE FUCK?!

I know what you're thinking. "Kalin, you just previously stated you were a bad person. How could one phone call turn you into a saint?" Well, children, listen up. There are awful people in the world. As cynical and mean as I may seem, as bitter and cutting, I care about other people, and I enjoy giving more than getting. No, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, and I'm sorry if this changes your opinion of me. I'm really confused, too.

Thank you for sticking with me in this transformational time. It will be difficult for all of us realizing that I'm not the complete asshole we all knew and loved. I'm going through a lot of emotional stress right now and would just appreciate your support.

Thank you so much,

K

PS: I am so sorry you had to find out via internet about this. I know that this news is like announcing a pregnancy or cancer. I just thought it was the most effective way to reach all of you at once. I apologize.

Things That Bother Me

First of all, I just wanted to say that I accidentally followed my own blog. So fuck you.

Anyway, I thought I would take an interesting twist on things and complain for once! Oh, wait...

So, anyway, here are some things that have been pissing me off lately:

1. Food

I fucking hate food. I hate it because I love it. What the fuck, dude? Who decided to make food taste good? I loathe all chefs and recipe makers. How dare you give me the desire to eat? Now I'm turning into a cow. Thanks, assholes.

Whoever the asshole is that
invented the deliciousness
that is Taco Bell, fuck you.

2. Easy classes

Yes, I would like the GPA boost. But I don't need it. I seriously don't need to take a class that has a required text which defines the words "goods," "services," and "ideas." I'm sorry, but if you're this stupid you shouldn't be in college. And I shouldn't be forced to waste my time on easy classes because stupid people need a major and classes tailored to them. If that offends you, then maybe you should stop being so stupid. Also, if you're one of those people who need to take easy classes to raise your GPA, then start studying in your real classes. Seriously, people shouldn't be allowed to raise their GPA this way. It's like cheating. I raise my GPA by being a fucking genius.

This textbook insults my intelligence.

3. Unnecessary apostrophes

This is not the first time I've vented about grammar in my blog. However, if I'm talking about things that piss me off, it is bound to surface. YOU DO NOT NEED TO PUT AN APOSTROPHE AFTER ABBREVIATIONS OR BEFORE ANY "S" ON A PLURAL WORD!!! APOSTROPHES ARE FOR CONTRACTIONS WITH IS AND TO SHOW POSSESSION!!! For example, saying, "I have a lot of DVD's," will make me respect you 25% less automatically.

Learn English.

4. Health freaks

I get it that you're so insecure about your lack of interesting and desirable personality traits that you have to advertise that you are the epitome of perfect health and you have the body of a god. Please save it, because I don't give a shit. I don't care how often you work out or what kind of dietary supplements you are taking.

5. Not being able to perform magic

In the words of genius DaxFlame (http://www.youtube.com/user/Daxflame), "Magic doesn't exist? Oh really? Then explain magic tricks you nimwit." So, clearly magic exists. WHY CAN I NOT PERFORM MAGIC TRICKS? Seriously, how else am I supposed to keep my things clean or stay awake during the day or keep myself in shape? There's no doubt that this needs to be investigated and we need to implement magic tricks ASAP. That, or I need someone to tell me where I can get a magical fairy that will clean up all my shit for me and do whatever I tell it to.

Be my slave, bitch.

...To be continued, I'm sure.

K

Life Lessons 12/23/09

I haven't posted in awhile. There are two reasons for this. This first one is that nobody reads my blog. The second reason is that I forgot I had a blog.

However, while reading my previous post I remembered that I am supposed to be doling out life lessons here. Now, there will be a lot more of these you can read in my book that should be finished sometime within the next six months, God willing. And I've gotten pretty far this time with the help of complete assholes and the motivation of my friends.

So, anyway, enough of that. Here is what you all haven't been waiting for, more life lessons from K-Peezy.

1. My intuition is always right (I don't know if yours is, so just go with mine for now.) Seriously, I can honestly say that I can read a situation down to the smallest details in most cases. By looking at a person I can tell what kind of person they are, and I'm not talking about stereotypes. It takes about five minutes of observation to develop a basic understanding of a person and about two hours to develop my opinion of them. First impressions with me are everything.

I will not go into specifics for fear of hurting certain peoples' feelings, but I learned this by recently attending a party. To be fair, I learned about this person ahead of time through some gossip from a couple different people. I had already formulated an opinion, but I was open to giving her a chance. One look told me she was an attention, and regular kind, of whore, and I predicted her exact actions for the rest of the night. That's skill.

So the life lesson here is trust your intuition, or at least trust mine.

2. My intuition is not always right, though it usually is. I have had enough life experience and interpersonal relationships in my day to understand the basic types, actions, and emotions of human beings. However, there are some types of humans (i.e. good, moral people) that I have not spent a lot of time with and don't understand. This was revealed to me today. The lesson being that there are some things you might like to be wrong about.

3. Don't rush into relationships, and don't try. There's no reason to go to a bar to pick up guys or to try to plot ways to get guys to like you. It will only result in failure. Treat the opposite sex as you would the same sex, and maybe some day you might meet someone who is genuine and a good person. You probably won't, but you can try.

4. Conspiracy theories are awesome. There, I said it. I love conspiracy theories.

5. DRUNK DIALING AND TEXTING IS VERY BAD. IT WILL MAKE YOU LOSE FRIENDS AND LOSE ALL HOPE YOU HAVE WITH ANY GUY. IT IS NORMAL FOR A GUY TO THINK YOU WANT A BOOTY CALL IF YOU TEXT HIM AT THREE AM. I don't care if you just want a ride or a place to crash or someone to talk to, DON'T DRUNK DIAL OR TEXT. If necessary, drunk dial or text your FRIENDS who are FEMALE (or male for males, or female for gay males, or males for gay females, and if you're bi, you're fucked.) Seriously guys. Drunk dialers are not desireable people. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON YOU WILL EVER LEARN, EVER!!!!!!

I hope you have learned well.

Until next time,

K

Things that Bother Me

Here is a draft I found while editing my entries. It's pretty great.

Hey everyone, time to vent! Here are some things that have been getting on my nerves lately:

People in general.

I'm serious, everyone has gone crazy. Is there anyone who isn't either psycho, a douche bag, or a complete dick these days? Anyone?

Here are my suggestions on how to keep yourself from coming off like a total tool:

1. Stop talking about yourself. When someone says something to you, don't act like you're trying to relate by telling a bigger and more outrageous story. It makes you look like a fag. Stop trying to over compensate for your own insecurities by one-upping every story. And here's a hint, guy, or girl, no one cares about you. People care about themselves. The only reason people care about you is because of the things you do for them. Go ahead and share your stories, but don't overload us with facts about your life. People don't like it and nothing you do or say is more important than anything anyone else does or says. So stop talking about yourself.

2. Stop interrupting. Maybe we'll answer your question if you just let us get to it, asshole. People aren't going to like you very much if they can't even finish a thought around you. What better way of saying, "Nothing you say matters," than preventing the words from happening?

3. Stop being a whore. If one more girl turns a perfectly good guy into a dick because of her selfish actions, I'm going to punch someone in the throat. STOP IT.

4. Learn English. I'm tired of these blatant errors in basic grammar. For more information, see a book. Any book.

Thank you for making the world a better place by doing these things,

K

Life Lessons 10/30/09

I am going to periodically post life lessons from now on. I feel it is important to remind myself of all of the things not to do, or to do, or whatever. And, also, sharing my wisdom is important. I'm always learning, hurray!

1. First of all, being responsible is hard. It requires you to do lame things instead of fun things. But sometimes when you do fun things, the lame things become even lamer. I do not want to drive 20 minutes to go to the doctor, but I sure as hell don't want to do it tired and hungover. I don't want to do my homework, but if I'm tired and hungover it won't get finished. I don't want to go to class, but if I'm tired and hungover the projector screen will give me the worst headache of my adult life. So, what I'm saying is, don't get hungover.

2. You know how you know if I hate you? You have a penis. This is true, I don't mind generalizing. Sometimes guys think it's ok to call you in the middle of the night because they think you will sleep with them EVEN AFTER you have sent all the signals possible suggesting otherwise. Thus, you have to turn off your phone at night, even if you don't want to miss a call in the morning. Lesson here: Boys are lame. Also, boys will always think they're leading you on, even if you are the one doing the manipulating. They will always think you care more than you actually do. Here's a life lesson for all the boys out there: I don't fucking care about you. You won't hurt my feelings if you don't call me or answer my calls, I don't care if you have a girlfriend, I don't care if I don't hang out with you for days or weeks or months, I don't spend my time thinking about you, I don't cry if you say mean things. Tell me the fucking truth, stop trying to lead me on when it's not working in the first place since I DON'T CARE.

3. If boys are lame, girls are psycho. I'm not trying to have sex with your boyfriend because I say, "Hey, what's up?" Also, since when are girls blamed for everything guys have an equal part in? Seriously, stop being so sexist, GIRLS. I think they are more sexist than men sometimes. If I don't care about your boyfriend, I certainly don't care about you. I don't care what you think of me, I don't care what you say to me, I don't care if you are dating whoever, I don't care if you exist or do not exist. Nothing you say to me will piss me off because I DON'T CARE. I have enough things to worry about in my life to try to cat fight, so ladies (actually, not ladies, girls): Chill the fuck out.

4. Different friends handle situations in different ways. This is why we have multiple friends. Some friends may surprise you with how much they care. Some friends may surprise you by seemingly not caring. If you are going through a rough spot, it's important to think about what you want to get out of venting to someone, and who to vent to. On a serious note, all of my friends have been really great lately, and I couldn't ask for better ones.

5. Beer and fast food cost money and make you fat. I know everyone always says this, but I guess I have finally found out it is true. I must make my decision as to which vice to give up. I'm choosing fast food.

Thank you,
Kalin Rheanne

Life Lessons from 10/29/09

Here is a draft I found when editing my posts.

So, I decided it'd be super great to write down all of the life lessons I learn, since I am always learning new things! Here's what I learned today!:

1. No matter how great it sounds, staying up until 5AM will make you tired the next day, always. Drinking wine will make you have a hangover. If you stay up until 5AM drinking wine, you will have a hangover.

2. If you are super tired and hungover, it's ok to not wear a bra. This is a new socially acceptable rule, I read about it in my head. I know because I said so, and I'm always right. Yes, I said it. On the internet. Deal.

3. Nurses are judgmental. Doctors aren't.

4. Sleeping in a king sized bed is always more comfortable than sleeping in a full size. The bigger, the better when it comes to beds. EVEN if the pillows and blankets are uncomfortable.

5. If you put off your homework until the last minute, and it's something you don't know how to do, you won't get it done. When you e-mail the professor the homework you did do, don't sign it with your corporate ID and work extension.

Hope this helps you be a better person,

K

My WTF night

1. Adult Swim commercial for the Mighty Boosh says Sundays at 1:00 AM. According to the internet schedule, it was supposed to be 5:00 AM Sunday night. I could have totally caught it! UGH. (For those who don't know, I am OBSESSED with the British comedy show the Mighty Boosh. I have a $150 painting in my room I had imported from the UK of the duo. I have all 3 Series [i.e. seasons.] I bought a multi-region DVD player in order to be able to watch my DVDs on the tele. I know everything about the Mighty Boosh. Finding out it was coming to American television was pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I thought it wasn't on until 5:00 AM.)


2. My dad is at a show (you know, ones where good bands play) with other managers, VPs, and execs from the brokerage firm I work for. I have a weak spot for little emo boys.
Dad sends me a picture of some dude at a concert that I can't see. I go, "what's that?"
Dad: "An emo boy in Columbus."
Me:"Lol ok..."
Then later I get another text,
Dad: "I gave Zach your number." <------WTF MOMENT
Me: "Who's Zach?!"
Dad: "At the concert. He is an emo boy majoring in business at OSU. I told him about you. He wanted your number."
Me: "Do you know this Zach fellow? What band is playing?"
Dad: "Gaslite Anthem"
Me: "I hope he calls that'd be a great story."
Dad: "He said he would but didn't know what to say I said tell her Joe said to call cuz u r an emo boy." (I have generally corrected bad grammar and spelling thus far, but I feel the "u r" had a certain... feel to it that "you are" does not.) <------WTF MOMENT
Me: "Haha amazing."
Dad: "What?"
Me: "How did you start talking to said emo boy?"
Dad: "He talked to me 1st as an emo would." <------WTF MOMENT
Me: "How did said emo boy start talking to you?"
Dad: "I was minding my own business talking about how the lead singer in the Heartless Bastards was so good."


3. I update my status to report my confusion for WTF incident number two, and my cousin Lindsay tells me how funny it is via facebook IM. Then I get an instant message on AIM....

artsyguurrl12 (11:11:01 PM): Because I am creepy and because i can - i want to use another media through which to tell you that your fb status cracks me up. P.S. who are these guys your dad is picking up for you??


4. My cousin Zander and I both try to go to sleep [early] around 1 AM. At 3 AM we are both on the internet. We have a DOUBLE FAIL. During our conversation, this happens...

Sexy Zander 911 (3:46:29 AM): kalin, we do that sometimes...
kalin rheanne (3:46:35 AM): do not
Sexy Zander 911 (3:46:40 AM): do so
kalin rheanne (3:46:45 AM): nuh uh
Sexy Zander 911 (3:46:56 AM): yes, we really do...
kalin rheanne (3:47:00 AM): when
Sexy Zander 911 (3:47:13 AM): idk but we've obviously done it
kalin rheanne (3:47:21 AM): we have not
Sexy Zander 911 (3:47:26 AM): yes we have
kalin rheanne (3:47:31 AM): WHEN
Sexy Zander 911 (3:47:43 AM): IDFK BUT THINK ABOUT IT, WE'RE RETARDED, I'M SURE WE HAVE
kalin rheanne (3:47:53 AM): HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kalin rheanne (3:47:54 AM): LMFAO
Sexy Zander 911 (3:48:06 AM): MY POINT EXACTLY


5. This guy (http://profile.ak.facebook.com/profile6/1078/62/s1454795860_8748.jpg) friend requests me!!!

WTF.

P4CM

Sometimes I wonder why people don't like Christians, and/or why Christianity is so unpopular these days. And then I come across groups like P4CM, and I find my answer: Christians these days can be really douchey.

P4CM stands for "Passion for the Christ Movement." This is basically a non-denominational Christion church group based in Los Angeles, California that has a large focus on trying to lead people to Christianity. This is not my problem. I am going to focus on a specific "missionary project" that P4CM is working on, because I feel it encompasses the complete douchey-ness of this organization.

P4CM has created a line of t-shirts that are designed to provoke questions. These t-shirts are called the Ex-Series. They say things like, "Ex-Slave," "Ex-Rebel,"Ex-Diva," "Ex-Hypocrite," "Ex-Fornicator," "Ex-Porn Addict," "Ex-Homosexual," and my personal favorite, "Ex-Masturbator." An example of this fashion line:













Feel free to laugh at the irony.

So here is my reaction to this fashion line and P4CM in general. (If you don't understand where I'm coming from on some issues, visit their Facebook group: http://tinyurl.com/bqxsp8 and watch the videos.)

I like to picture Jesus Christ as a pretty easy going guy. I think that His attitude was along the lines of, "Here I am world, I'm going to die for your sins now. If you choose to accept it, feel free to ask for forgiveness and I'll let you into Heaven and it'll be killer." P4CM's take on Jesus' attitude, "DUDE. HELL SUCKS. You are pretty much a terrible person if you sin, and if you don't surrender to me IMMEDIATELY, you will be forced to an eternity in a firey pit. No Heaven for you, sorry bud!"

So, we are supposed to be Christ-like, as stated in the Bible. No, I am not going to give you the passage because I am not a walking Bible. Find it yourself, it's somewhere in there. So first of all, we're not going to go condemning people for their sins. We're not going to interview people, and act like we applaud them for being Christian, then denounce them for their associations (douchey interview.)

And now I come to the t-shirts. The stupid, douchey, horrible t-shirts. P4CM is, like many Christians today, turning Christianity into a fashion statement by doing this. FIRST OF ALL, they are begging for attention by wearing these shirts. Jesus Christ did some pretty baller things, but I'm pretty sure he never walked around in a "Moses is my homeboy" shirt or, of course, an "Ex-Masturbator shirt" (though the latter is debateable.) Jesus Christ did not flaunt, he did not argue, he did not scold, denounce, or make anyone feel like shit intentionally, and he most certainly did not walk around in BOLD (these douche bags always caps the word for some reason) clothing in order to try to bring people to the light. BE LIKE JESUS. BE HUMBLE. PLEASE.

As for some of the "sins" they denounce actually being sins, well that's another topic for another time. Visit the aforementioned facebook page for more insight to the absolute ridiculousness of this organization, or you can visit their (clearly well designed as to draw more people to Christianity) website, http://p4cm.com.

And this is just funny: http://tinyurl.com/daet3t.

Good day,
Kalin

Grammar Lesson

So lately it seems like we have been lacking in the grammar department. I speak with my friends on the via internet and text often due to distance and scheduling issues. The lack in attention to grammar is really pushing my buttons here. Now I must say that my friends are generally well educated, intelligent human beings. Some even pay attention to grammar most of the time. But there is one grammatical issue that is really pissing me off that NO ONE seems to have the grasp of. So here I am. Giving you the lesson on how to use the proper "your/you're." This will also help save the whales.

I will start off with some definitions:

your:

/yʊər, yɔr, yoʊr; unstressed yər/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [yoor, yawr, yohr; unstressed yer]

–pronoun
1.
(a form of the possessive case of you used as an attributive adjective): Your jacket is in that closet. I like your idea. Compare yours.
2.
one's (used to indicate that one belonging to oneself or to any person): The consulate is your best source of information. As you go down the hill, the library is on your left.
3.
(used informally to indicate all members of a group, occupation, etc., or things of a particular type): Take your factory worker, for instance. Your power brakes don't need that much servicing.

you're:

/yʊər; unstressed yər/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [yoor; unstressed yer]

contraction of you are: You're certain that's right?

So, as you can see, if you are using the contraction of "you are" you will use "you're." If you are indicating possession, you will use "your."

Now, let's see if my friends can do it right:

goesMOO 7x (8:17:41 PM): how was your day?

Is this correct? YES Heather asks me how "my" day was, which indicated possession. Thus, she was correct in using "your." Congratulations Heather.

afipanic (11:51:02 PM): YOUR my bfflez too

Is this correct? NO Matt is indicating that I "am" his best friend forever. However, he does not use the contraction "you're." Instead he indicated possession. I am sorry Matt, but you are incorrect. Try again.

Zander 911 (11:02:04 PM):keep a knife under your bed

Is this correct: YES Zander suggests I should keep a knife under "my" bed. Indicating possession by using "your" is the correct use in this case. Good job cousin.

floundr (12:43:08 AM):come play rockband some time or catch a movie at my place, your more than welcome to come chillax

Is this correct?: NO Weston very kindly tells me that I "am" welcome to come chillax. However, instead of using the contraction "you're," he indicates possession using "your." This is wrong.

Now that we have defined both your and you're and given examples of correct and incorrect usage, let's play a game! Try to figure our the correct use of "you/you're" in the following sentences. Answers at the end of the blog!

1. What is (your/you're) name?

2. (Your/you're) a total slut.

3. I think (your/you're) pretty stupid, but I think (your/you're) jokes are funny anyway.

4. I love (your/you're) mom.

5. Why aren't you doing what (your/you're) supposed to do?

I hope this has been informative for you. Next time you use the word "your" or "you're," take an extra second to make sure you use the correct one. This will make the world a better place and save the whales.

Thank you,

Kalin Rheanne

answers: 1. your 2. you're 3. you're, your 4. your 5. you're

Taco Bell

Ok so I really just wanted somewhere where I could vent about the important things in life. Which naturally brings me to Taco Bell for my first entry.

I am going to admit up front that I have been on an anti-diet this week. That lead to me eating at the 'bell both yesterday and today.

So yesterday before work I pull up to the Taylor Mill Taco Bell/KFC. Now I am not a fan of combining the two. This is because I am always forced to make the decision at the drive-thru. Even if I go in wanting KFC, I end up ordering Taco Bell because I like it better. But this isn't fair to me or KFC, because I do think KFC is delicious and deserving of my patronage. However, with this set up I am not ordering KFC anytime soon.

Anyway, I haven't eaten anything but slimfast in weeks. So I go to the 'bell to order my favorite food EVER. This is the Zesty Chicken Border Bowl. Now let's describe this culinary gem for a moment. The Zesty Chicken Border Bowl, or ZCBB, is comprised of Taco Bell's delicious refried beans and Mexican rice, chicken, lettuce, fiesta salsa, tortilla chips, a blend of cheeses, and this delicious zesty ceasar dressing.

So I order it. THEY DON'T HAVE IT ANYMORE????

Look here, Taco Bell. Why would you not carry the most delicious dish the entire restaurant industry has to offer? This is simply ridiculous. It's not like it costs more money to keep it on the menu. You already use these ingredients for other menu items, less the dressing. This is ludacris.

So I order my second favorite menu item, a Cheesy Gordita Crunch, and a T-10, which is a chicken quesadilla and a hard taco. Let me digress for a moment. The cheese in the quesadilla I receive is not fully melted. It's basically like they threw shredded cheese in with chunks of chicken. NO GOOD.

So today comes along and I don't eat anything all day because I am anticipating a Taco feast after class. I roll up to the Taco Bell in Clifton. For those of you not from the Cincinnati area, let me describe Clifton for you. Clifton is the shittiest town EVER. It is where the University of Cincinnati is located. It is super ghetto, homeless people are everywhere. There are ALWAYS cop sirens blaring. No one knows how to drive. There's never any parking spots. It's filled with drunken idiot college kids. The buildings are slowly turning into piles of bricks. It's awful.

So anyway. Just my luck, Ghetto Bell has the ZCBB. I'm estatic. My anti-dieting self orders this wonderful dish, and goes to order a Cheesy Gordita Crunch. NOT ON THE MENU. What the hell Taco Bell? Can you please just keep one menu? Especially with locations within 20 minutes of each other? That includes your two best menu items? Like I said, it's not like either of these involve exotic ingredients.

Whatever. I order my ZCBB, a double decker taco, and a bean burrito and jet the fuck out of Clifton.

So I'm feeling around the bag and I realized they put my ZCBB in one of the Fully Loaded Nachos containers. At first I'm stoked that this means more Taco Bell for me. I realized quickly that though it is wider, it is more shallow and SUCKS to eat out of. Furthermore, they made my ZCBB all wrong. It included these ingredients: Beans, Rice, Chicken, a SHIT TON of lettuce, cheese, and fiesta salsa. It was missing what makes it so delicious: The crispy tortilla chips and the zesty ceasar dressing. It was simply awful.

So here are my conclusions:
1. Don't spend any time in Clifton if you can avoid it. If you want Taco Bell, try to get it at another location. If this is not possible, be prepared for a total fuck up to take your order and make your food.
2. Taco Bell: Please have a uniform menu containing both the Cheesy Gordita Crunch AND the Zesty Chicken Border Bowl. I am spending less money on my Taco Bell feasts than either of us would like.
3. Taco Bell Employees: Make my meal right. I don't mind waiting the extra 5 seconds for you to double check the instructions on how to make my menu item and put the right ingredients in there and/or to put my quesadilla in the grill press until the cheese melts.
4. I maintain that, when prepared correctly, the Zesty Chicken Border Bowl is the most delicious dish in the entire world.

Thank you,
Kalin Rheanne